Why relationships matter

The way we manage and experience our relationships has a big impact on our lives. When we have supportive and loving connections, it can boost our resilience, improve our overall health, and help us feel happier and more fulfilled. On the other hand, difficult or negative relationship experiences can take a toll, leaving us with lower self-esteem, higher stress and anxiety and a decrease in overall wellbeing.

As human beings, we naturally crave connection and positive interactions with others throughout our lives. This need is built into us, because we are born relatively undeveloped and rely on others for the safety and support necessary for growth. Today, our lives are even more intertwined with those around us, and with the culture we live in, it’s impossible to see ourselves as completely isolated. In this connected and interdependent world, the way we relate to ourselves and to others plays a key role in our own wellbeing, as well as the wellbeing of those around us.

The impact of difficult relationships

Difficulties in relationships can show up in many ways, and not all of them are obvious at first. You might notice:

  • Feeling lonely or disconnected, even when you’re around others.
  • Struggling to trust people or form close connections.
  • Feeling anxious, stressed, or constantly worried about how others see you.
  • Experiencing repeated arguments, misunderstandings, or tension with family, friends, or partners.
  • Avoiding social situations because they feel overwhelming or uncomfortable.
  • Feeling unappreciated, unheard, or unsupported.
  • Repeating patterns of conflict or unhealthy behaviours in your relationships, such as people-pleasing, over-giving, or withdrawing.
  • Difficulty expressing your needs, saying no, or setting healthy boundaries.

People may experience low self-esteem, sadness, stress, or even physical symptoms like fatigue or tension. You might feel stuck, frustrated, or unsure of how to improve your connections which can make it harder to enjoy meaningful relationships or feel fully supported.

Causes of difficulties in relationships

We learn how to relate from our experiences of relationships. This learning starts from the very beginning of our lives and is refined by subsequent experiences. Problems occur when we become stuck in our ways of relating, continually using old models in situations and relationships that no longer suit them. For example, if we’ve been betrayed in a relationship, it’s natural to become more cautious or wary of others. While this can help protect us at first, holding on to this suspicion for too long can make it harder to open up, trust, and feel close to people, which can affect the quality and happiness of our relationships.

  • Change your views about a relationship
  • Decrease emotional avoidance
  • Change dysfunctional behaviour
  • Promote bond and relationship strength
  • Understand each other’s perspectives
  • Improve communication

Frequently Asked Questions

How can counselling help a relationship?
Relationship counselling can help you develop better relationships with those around you and help you break away from negative behavioural patterns. Counsellors can offer a helpful, nonjudgmental environment to assist you in identifying relationship challenges or problems and overcoming them.

How to have a healthy relationship?
Good relationships require effort and sacrifice from both partners and involve open communication, honesty, trust, and respect between partners. There is no power disparity. Partners share decisions, accept each other's independence, and are free to act independently without worrying about the consequences.

Getting support

We all experience difficulties in relationships from time to time. While supportive people around us can help, there are times when challenges feel overwhelming or too personal to discuss with anyone else. In these situations, speaking to a psychologist can be extremely beneficial.

Consulting a psychologist can help you break unhealthy patterns that keep you feeling stuck. It can also support you in understanding yourself better, as well as the people around you.

I offer Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT), a therapy that helps you understand patterns in your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, particularly those that may be causing difficulties in your relationships. CAT focuses on identifying unhelpful patterns you may have developed in the past, often in early relationships, and understanding how these patterns continue to affect your life and your relationships today.

Through CAT, you can gain insight into why you react in certain ways, recognise recurring relationship challenges, and develop new, healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.