We all sometimes feel insecure or unconfident. Low self-esteem is a common experience that can affect anyone and is often linked to anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. It involves negative self-perception, self-critical thoughts, and feelings of unworthiness.
Low self-esteem is how we perceive and value ourselves, and it can influence almost every aspect of our lives. People with low self-esteem often have a negative view of themselves, feeling inadequate, unworthy, or not good enough. They may dislike or even hate themselves, struggle to recognise their strengths, and feel undeserving of happiness. Everyday decisions can feel overwhelming, and asserting themselves in social, work, or personal situations can seem impossible.
Those with low self-esteem frequently blame themselves for things that aren’t their fault, carrying feelings of guilt, shame, or self-doubt. They may compare themselves unfavourably to others, dismiss compliments, or downplay achievements, believing that any success is due to luck rather than their own effort. This self-critical thinking can create a cycle where negative beliefs reinforce low confidence, making it harder to take risks, try new things, or engage in meaningful relationships.
Low self-esteem doesn’t just affect thoughts — it can influence behaviour. Individuals may avoid social situations, hold back at work, or overextend themselves to please others. Over time, these patterns can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and even depression. Yet, with support and practical strategies, low self-esteem can be challenged and gradually transformed. Therapy and self-reflection can help people understand the origins of these beliefs, build confidence, and develop a kinder, more realistic view of themselves.
Common negative self-talk patterns include:
Low self-esteem can contribute to:
Low self-esteem often develops through a combination of personal experiences and life circumstances. Childhood experiences, such as criticism, bullying, neglect, or abuse, can leave lasting impressions and shape the way a person views themselves. Feeling different or isolated from peers can also contribute to a sense of inadequacy, as can growing up in an environment where praise, affection, or validation was scarce. Later life challenges, including loss, illness, changes in employment, or the breakdown of important relationships, can further erode self-confidence. Personality traits, such as perfectionism or a tendency toward negative thinking, may also make some individuals more vulnerable to developing low self-esteem.
These experiences often give rise to limiting beliefs which are subconscious assumptions about oneself that restrict potential and reinforce self-doubt. Examples include thoughts such as “I’m no good at speaking to people,” “All my relationships are painful,” or “I could never achieve my goals.” Over time, these beliefs can shape how a person behaves and interacts with the world. They may avoid challenges, withdraw from social situations, overextend themselves to please others, or dismiss their own achievements. In essence, limiting beliefs act like invisible barriers, preventing individuals from recognising their strengths, pursuing opportunities, or feeling worthy of happiness and success.
The good news is that these beliefs, though deeply ingrained, can be challenged and changed. By exploring their origins and practicing new ways of thinking and behaving, individuals can gradually replace limiting beliefs with empowering ones, opening the door to greater self-confidence and personal growth.
Low self-esteem can touch almost every area of life. It can make social situations feel intimidating, leaving you anxious, self-conscious, or hesitant to speak up. You might struggle to make decisions, second-guessing yourself or worrying about getting things “wrong.” At times, you may blame yourself for situations that aren’t your fault, or feel guilty for taking time, energy, or resources for yourself. Recognising your own strengths and achievements can feel difficult, and you may feel undeserving of happiness, success, or even simple pleasures.
In relationships, low self-esteem can make it hard to assert your needs or set boundaries. You may overextend yourself to please others, avoid conflict, or stay in situations that don’t serve you because you fear rejection or disapproval. At work or in studies, low self-esteem can make tasks feel more challenging than they really are, cause procrastination, or lead to overworking as a way of proving your worth. Over time, these patterns can leave you feeling stuck, isolated, or frustrated with yourself, and can even contribute to anxiety, depression, or chronic self-doubt.
Here are some practical steps you can start using:
Challenge negative thoughts
Pay attention to the critical or self-judging thoughts that pop into your mind. When you notice them, try to question whether they are really true and think of a more balanced, kinder way to view the situation.
Ask yourself: “Would I speak to a loved one this way?”
Avoid comparisons
Remember social media and others’ curated lives aren’t the full picture. It’s easy to look at other people’s lives online and feel like they have it all together. Remember, what you see is only a small part of their life, usually the highlights. Comparing yourself to these moments can make you feel worse, so try to focus on your own progress and what’s going well in your life.
Build supportive relationships
Spend time with people who value and appreciate you
Practice self-compassion
Think about how you would support or encourage a friend who was struggling and try to offer yourself that same kindness. Speak to yourself gently, acknowledge your efforts, and be patient with yourself, especially when things don’t go perfectly.
Learn to set boundaries and say “no” when needed
Take control of your decisions and prioritise your needs
Set achievable challenges
Start small - Take little steps outside your comfort zone, such as joining a class, trying a new hobby, or attending a social activity. Even small achievements can build confidence and help you feel more capable over time.
Track accomplishments and positive feedback - Notice and celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Keep a journal or notes of achievements, compliments, or moments when you felt proud - seeing these over time can remind you of your strengths and progress.
If low self-esteem is affecting your life, work, relationships, or overall happiness, therapy can help you develop the tools to overcome self-doubt. With professional guidance and support, you can begin to recognise and appreciate your strengths. Therapy can also help you process and heal from past experiences, including bullying, abuse, or trauma, that may have contributed to your low self-esteem. You can learn to challenge limiting beliefs and unhelpful thought patterns, and gradually build the confidence needed to live a more fulfilling life.
