Understanding emotions

Feelings are at the heart of who we are. They shape how we connect with others and how we show care, love, anger, or compassion.

We can experience our emotions very deeply, sometimes directing them inward towards ourselves and other times outward towards others. For some people, emotions have been pushed down for so long that they find it difficult to feel much of anything. When we cut off from our feelings, we also cut ourselves off from joy and connection.

Working with a therapist can help you understand and manage your emotions in a healthy way. There may be many reasons why feelings feel overwhelming or shut down. Perhaps certain emotions were not accepted in your family growing up or you may be carrying unresolved pain or trauma. Whatever the reason, learning emotional self-management strategies can help you connect to your feelings in a safe and balanced way.

What Is emotional intensity?

Emotions are at the heart of what makes us human. They shape how we relate to others and how we understand ourselves. Some people experience emotions more intensely than others and they may feel joy, sadness, anger, or excitement very deeply.

Having strong emotions isn’t a bad thing; it means you care deeply and feel life fully. However, when emotions become overwhelming or difficult to manage, it can affect your wellbeing and relationships. Emotional intensity is about finding balance and learning how to honour your feelings without being consumed by them.

Recognising emotional intensity

If you’re emotionally sensitive or intense, you might notice that:

  • You are easily moved by films, music, art, or stories.
  • News or events happening in the world deeply affect you.
  • You enjoy meaningful, in-depth conversations and find surface-level talk unfulfilling.
  • Your emotions feel “big” whether joy, anger, sadness, or excitement.
  • You can find it frustrating when others seem disconnected or unfeeling.
  • Your moods may shift quickly from high to low.
  • You’re naturally intuitive and can sense the emotions of others.
  • People might describe you as “dramatic” or “too sensitive.”

These experiences don’t mean something is wrong with you - they simply reflect the depth of your emotional world. The goal is to understand and manage these feelings.

Disconnection from emotions

On the other end of the spectrum from emotional intensity is emotional disconnection. This is when feelings are muted, distant or hard to access. Sometimes, people tuck their emotions away so tightly that they find it difficult to feel anything at all.

Some learn early in life that emotions are unsafe or unwanted, so they adapt by pushing them away. Others may become emotionally numb after trauma, burnout, or prolonged stress. While shutting down emotions can feel protective, it also means missing out on joy, connection and self-understanding. Reconnecting with your emotions takes time and gentle curiosity and this includes learning to notice what you feel in your body, naming your emotions and allowing yourself to experience them safely. Therapy can help you rebuild trust with your inner emotional world and find a balanced and gradual way of connecting to your feelings again.

Recognising emotional disconnection

If you’re emotionally disconnected, you might notice that:

  • Feeling “flat,” empty, or detached from your emotions
  • Struggling to identify what you’re feeling or why
  • Going through the motions of life without much joy or sadness
  • Avoiding emotional situations or finding it hard to express how you feel
  • Feeling disconnected from yourself or others
  • Using distractions, busyness, or substances to avoid difficult emotions

Emotional intensity in relationships

Emotional intensity can show up powerfully in relationships. When you care, you may care deeply, giving your all and forming strong connections quickly. This passion can be beautiful, showing great loyalty and warmth, but it can also feel overwhelming at times, both for you and your partner.

You might notice that you:

  • Fall in love or form friendships very quickly and intensely.
  • Give a great deal of loyalty, affection, and energy to those you care about.
  • Feel highs and lows more strongly in relationships.
  • Tend to share openly and sometimes more than others expect.
  • Can be easily hurt or triggered by perceived rejection or distance.

Learning how to balance emotional openness with healthy boundaries can help your relationships feel more secure and fulfilling.

Managing difficulties with emotions

Emotional intensity or disconnection doesn’t have to feel like a burden. With awareness and practice, it can become a strength. Here are some ways to support yourself:

1. Express, Don’t Suppress
Find safe ways to let emotions out. Talking, journaling, movement, or creative expression can help release what you’re holding inside.

2. Make Supportive Choices
Certain habits like substance use or unhealthy coping strategies can intensify emotional swings. Making small, healthy changes supports emotional stability.

3. Practice Mindfulness and Presence
Emotional intensity often pulls us into the past or future. Mindfulness helps anchor you in the present moment, reducing overwhelm and promoting balance.

4. Stay Open to Support
Sometimes, learning to manage emotions takes guidance. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your inner world, gain insight, and learn new coping tools.

When to consider therapy

Feeling emotions deeply doesn’t necessarily mean you need therapy, and the same goes for finding it hard to feel emotions at all. Whether your emotions feel overwhelming or distant, therapy can be a valuable support. A therapist can help you understand where these patterns come from, develop emotional regulation skills, and find healthier ways to connect with and express your feelings. With the right help, both emotional intensity and emotional disconnection can become opportunities for growth by helping you build balance, resilience, and a deeper sense of self.